Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
