I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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