Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
