dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
