both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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