I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
