Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
