My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
