its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
