Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
