i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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