just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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