As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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