everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize