This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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