OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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