Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my being single is dangerous.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
