That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
