we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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