How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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