My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
