My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
