i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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