You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize