no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
