Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
