i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
