i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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