So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize