it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
vagina is talking i cant
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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