I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize