all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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