i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
