At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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