a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
