TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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