The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
