I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
