If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize