He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
