I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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