I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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