he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
