he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
