I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
