I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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