i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
