did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont even know how to be here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
