I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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