Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
