my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
