A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
