U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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