life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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