Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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