Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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