Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
