My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
