I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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