I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
