Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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